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The Noodle Brothers Rise and Fall

FAQ: The Noodle Brothers Rise and Fall 1. Who are the Noodle brothers? Sir Nigel Noodle and his younger brother, Norbert, are the last scions of a once-great British family famous for their noodle empire. Their story is a blend of comedic misadventure, spectacular rises and falls, and a cautionary tale of glory and folly1. 2. What was the Noodle family business? The Noodle family owned "Noodle & Sons Fine Foods, Ltd.," purveyors of exotic pasta across the British Empire. Their products ranged from wheat and rice noodles to pickled and puddinged varieties, and they were once considered the unofficial pasta of the Empire1. 3. How did the Noodle empire fall? The downfall began with cost-cutting, poor management, and unsanitary factory conditions. A series of food poisoning scandals—most notably the "Great Dublin Toilet Paper Run of 1928" and the "Purple Plagues" of 1935–1937—destroyed their reputation and led to the collapse of their business1. 4. What was the “Great Dublin Toilet Paper Run of 1928”? A contaminated spice mix in the Dublin factory caused a citywide outbreak of stomach ailments, leading to a panic and a run on toilet paper. The incident became infamous and was widely lampooned in the press1. 5. Who was Clarence “The Tissue King” McFlush? McFlush was a toilet paper magnate who secretly propped up the Noodle business, reasoning that their continued mishaps would boost his own sales. This alliance prolonged the Noodle empire’s existence for a few years1. 6. Did the Noodle brothers ever recover their fortune? No. After repeated disasters and the final collapse of their business, the brothers were left penniless and homeless, eventually emigrating to America in search of a fresh start1. 7. What happened to the Noodle brothers in America? They became minor curiosities in New York high society, then moved to Hollywood where their story was nearly turned into a slapstick film. After that failed, they drifted to Las Vegas, where they became involved in a doomed treasure hunt for Montezuma’s Gold1. 8. Who was Rowan Mallon and how did he impact the brothers? Rowan Mallon was a charming adventurer and conman who convinced the brothers to invest in his Montezuma Expedition. He ultimately swindled them, leaving them stranded in the Mexican desert1. 9. What was the outcome of the Montezuma Expedition? The expedition was a fiasco: no treasure was found, the brothers were abandoned by Rowan, and their humiliation became public knowledge through press coverage and a documentary1. 10. How are the Noodle brothers portrayed in popular culture? A documentary titled “The Noodles: The Empire That Brought an Empire to the Toilet” depicted them as lovable fools who stumbled through history causing chaos, yet always surviving by luck and brotherhood1. 11. What brings the Noodle brothers to Mallon Hall in the present day? They attend the reading of Rowan Mallon’s will, hoping for a share of any recovered fortunes based on a vague promise Rowan once made. The gathering is thick with suspicion, as many attendees have complicated histories with Rowan1. 12. Are the Noodle brothers suspects in Rowan Mallon’s death? The narrative hints at lingering anger and opportunistic hope regarding Rowan, but leaves the question open, inviting readers to wonder about their true motives1. 13. What is the central theme of the Noodle brothers’ story? Their tale is one of foolish optimism, comedic misadventure, and tenacious brotherhood—demonstrating that the truth is often stranger (and funnier) than fiction.

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The Noodle Brothers Rise and F 1

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The Noodle Empire’s Last Stand

Sir Nigel Noodle and Norbert Noodle, once heirs to a quirky British food dynasty, arrive at Mallon Hall for the reading of Rowan Mallon’s will. Their faded grandeur and eccentric personalities mask decades of wild adventures, spectacular rises and falls, and motives that make them suspects in any scandal.

The Rise and Fall of the House of Noodle

The Noodle brothers inherited a thriving pasta empire, Noodle & Sons Fine Foods, Ltd., famous for its “57 varieties” of noodles and its reach across the British Empire.

Their privileged lives were filled with lavish parties and social climbing, but their personal flaws—Sir Nigel’s ego and Norbert’s pursuit of wealthy heiresses—led to neglect of their business.

Standards slipped, resulting in unsanitary factories and a notorious food poisoning outbreak in Dublin (the “Great Dublin Toilet Paper Run of 1928”), which made the Noodle name infamous.

Despite repeated scandals, the business survived thanks to a diabolical alliance with Clarence “The Tissue King” McFlush, whose toilet paper sales soared during Noodle-induced epidemics.

Attempts at redemption failed, and further disasters (like the “Purple Plagues” from tainted beetroot linguine) led to the empire’s collapse and the brothers’ fall from grace.

From High Society to Hollywood and Vegas

Penniless, the brothers moved to America, scraping by in New York and later becoming curiosities at high-society parties.

Hollywood beckoned, and they became advisors for a slapstick film based on their misadventures, but the project fizzled and they were left forgotten.

In Las Vegas, they met Professor Archie Kincaid and Rowan Mallon, who lured them into a doomed expedition for Montezuma’s Gold in Mexico. The adventure ended in betrayal, sunburn, and humiliation, with Rowan absconding with their last assets.

Return to Dublin and Notflix Fame

The brothers returned to Dublin, destitute and mocked by a Notflix documentary that portrayed them as lovable fools whose noodle empire brought an empire to its knees (and to the toilet).

Their lives became a cautionary tale of glory, folly, and comedic misadventure1.

Mallon Hall: Suspects with a Smile

At Mallon Hall, the brothers join a cast of characters from their pastand author Hugh Dunnit—for the reading of Rowan Mallon’s will.

Suspicion hangs in the air, as Rowan’s death is shrouded in mystery and each attendee has a motive or grievance.

The Noodle brothers, ever hopeful, clutch a vague promise from Rowan for a share of any recovered fortune, and prepare to face whatever revelations the will brings with their trademark blend of foolish optimism and tenacious brotherhood1.

MI88: A Very British Affair

Origins and Purpose of MI88

MI88 is presented as a secret, incompetent branch of British intelligence, allegedly founded by Winston Churchill to keep the privileged but inept sons of the aristocracy out of harm’s way during wartime.

Its motto: “Ignorantia Tutissimum Est” (“Ignorance is the safest”).

Officially, MI88 was tasked with tracking deserters. In reality, it was a sanctuary for the well-connected but hopelessly unqualified.

2. Major Payne and the MI88 Ethos

The branch’s defining figure is Major Archibald Payne—a man of impeccable lineage and legendary incompetence.

Major Payne’s leadership is marked by confusion, misinterpretation, and a series of comic blunders (e.g., saluting horses, interrogating the King’s gardener, and writing reports in purple ink).

3. MI88’s True Function

MI88’s real job was to protect the sons of influential families by assigning them to “critical operational duties” that kept them far from actual combat.

The branch’s officers were immune from court-martial, rarely questioned, and their reports were filed unread.

4. The Mallon Anomaly

The chapter connects MI88 to the fictional Mallon family, suggesting MI88 is interested in the reading of Arthur Mallon’s Will because they believe Rowan Mallon (formerly Jennings) deserted in 1917 and may attempt to infiltrate the event—despite being 127 years old.

5. MI88’s Modern Role

MI88 is depicted as still operating in the shadows, dispatched to “monitor” embarrassing situations involving the elite, though their confusion ensures nothing is ever discovered.

Their presence at the Mallon estate is marked by a series of comic disguises and a pamphlet listing absurd “signs of desertion” (e.g., “breathing suspiciously,” “being over 100 years old”).

6. MI88 Training Manual: Appendix A

The file includes a mock “training manual” written as if by Major Payne, outlining MI88’s procedures, ranks, and operational protocols—all of which are comically inept.

Highlights include:

Map reading advice: “North is always somewhere.”

Deserter identification: “Do not arrest yourself. This happened twice during the 1920s.”

Disguise techniques: From “Gentleman of Leisure” to “The Shadowy Stranger.”

Report writing: Always use purple ink and conclude with “further investigation required.”

Confrontation protocol: Blow whistle, look authoritative, then confused, then run.

MI88 – Frequently Asked Questions 1. What was MI88? MI88 was a little-known branch of British intelligence, allegedly founded by Winston Churchill to provide a safe haven for the less competent sons of influential families. Its official purpose was to track deserters, but in reality, it existed to keep these privileged individuals away from actual danger and responsibility1. 2. Why was MI88 created? Churchill needed a way to keep “my idiots” (his term for certain aristocratic young men) alive but occupied during wartime. MI88 became the solution: a unit where incompetence was not just tolerated, but required1. 3. What did MI88 officers actually do? Officially, they hunted deserters. In practice, they misfiled forms, misread maps, and generally avoided anything resembling real military action. Their equipment included a brass whistle, a manual of incorrect procedures, and a certificate for “special duties” (undefined)1. 4. Who was Major Payne? Major Archibald Payne was MI88’s defining figure: a man of strict posture, limited insight, and legendary misunderstanding. He once interrogated the King’s gardener, saluted horses, and delivered reports in purple ink. He led MI88 with unwavering confidence and zero competence1. 5. Did MI88 ever catch any deserters? Records show MI88 caught three “deserters” during the First World War: two innocent farmers and a lost French accordionist. None were British soldiers. Their success rate was, generously, negligible1. 6. What was the real purpose of MI88? The true function was to protect the sons of the elite from harm and embarrassment. MI88 officers were immune from court-martial, exempt from overseas service, and rarely questioned. It was a sanctuary for incompetence, preserving the careers of those unsuited for real combat1. 7. What happened to MI88 after the war? Officially disbanded, MI88 lingered in the shadows, occasionally reactivated to “monitor” embarrassing situations involving the establishment. Their confusion ensured nothing important was ever discovered1. 8. How is the Mallon family connected to MI88? MI88 became interested in the reading of Arthur Mallon’s Will, convinced that Rowan Mallon (formerly Jennings) was a deserter from 1917—despite the fact that Rowan would now be 127 years old. MI88 officers appear unaware of human biology1. 9. What are some classic MI88 “procedures” from their training manual? Never go to the front. Avoid horses and paperwork. Use purple ink for all reports. If lost, spin until something feels correct. If confronted, blow your whistle, look confused, and run. Never arrest yourself (this happened twice)1. 10. What disguises do MI88 officers use? Options include: a gardener who waters plants with an empty can, a footman who bows to chairs, a historian who spells “history” with two r’s, and “Mr Mysterious” (no further explanation)1. 11. What is MI88’s legacy? MI88 is a chapter best forgotten, but its spirit of confusion and misplaced confidence lingers. Its officers remain convinced of their importance, even as they add chaos to every situation they encounter.

MI88 Podcast

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MI88 audio doc summary

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